Triggers

Over the weekend, a student at my school was involved in an accident. Wonderful paramedics were able to restart his heart, but it was later discovered that his brain was no longer alive. Today, his brave parents made the decision to take him off of life support.

This afternoon, our principal and counselor gathered the school staff to share the news. Teachers cried together and mourned a precious life cut short.

As the reality of the news set in, I began to cry uncontrollably.

I grieve with the parents whose arms are empty and hearts are broken. I grieve with the brothers and sisters; they must feel like a part of them is missing. I grieve with the friends and teachers who look at an empty chair and remember the tiny boy who should be there.

As I sat there sniffling, holding my breath to avoid drawing attention, I thought, "this must be what a trigger is."

In thinking about this little boy, I could only see my little girl. I closed my eyes to hide tears, and Wren's sweet smile danced in my memory.

All my heartbreak and sadness and emptiness came flooding back.

No parent should lose their child. Hearts are not made to be broken like that.

Trying to find the words to explain is futile. Words don't exist for that pain.



Tonight my thoughts and prayers are with the family of a child who now dances with Jesus, with Wren.

Love deep and love hard. This world is full of broken hearts and broken people.

Love,
Elizabeth

Beauty From Ashes | Reece's Rainbow

When Wren went to Jesus, my heart shattered. It felt like it could never hold love, because the love would just run out of all the brokenness.

But at the same time, I knew in my bones this was not the end.



My Wren died because someone saw an imperfect child, unworthy of love or care. As much as it hurts to type those words, they were her truth. And not only Wren's truth.

Thousands and thousands of children all over the world live with this as their truth. Unworthy. Unlovable. Unteachable. Unwanted.

This is their truth every day, every moment. As they just exist. Breathing, but not living.

But, my friends, this truth is not God's truth.

And it is not my truth.

Thousands of perfect, worthy children wait for a mama to speak their truth into existence. Their truth of love and joy and worth and value.

Wren taught me this. And now, because of Wren, I get to share these truths with a precious soul - Wren's big brother. Not by blood, but by love, a tiny girl and a precious boy become sister and brother. Sister in heaven, brother waiting around the world.

Oh, I cannot wait to introduce you to him.

Turns out my shattered heart can hold love after all. It holds a fierce and bold love for my daughter and my son.

Love,
Elizabeth

Eight Weeks

Wren died eight weeks ago.

I have had eight weeks to process her death and try to make some sense of it. Eight weeks to think of the loneliness. Eight weeks to miss my daughter.

I am angry. I am sad. I grieve and I mourn and I am comforted by the vision of her dancing and laughing with Jesus.

Eight weeks ago, she was made whole and my heart shattered.

In the midst of my pain, light shines through. I have learned more about hope and love than ever before.

My sweet friend and mentor, Lauren, recently walked the halls of the orphanage where Wren lived and died. She was there to rescue her daughter who was barely living - nine pounds at seven years old.

In the midst of gaining a precious daughter, Lauren took the time to search out my daughter and honor her short, beautiful life.

Each time I try to put my gratitude and feelings into words, they fail me.

So here are hers.

Wren's life mattered.

Goodbye For Now, My World Changer

On Monday, November 9, I got a phone call that changed my life.

My precious daughter was no longer alive on earth, but fully alive in the arms of Jesus. She was experiencing love and laughter and joy for the first time.

These past 24 hours have been a messy blur of tears, but through the tears, so much light shines.

People from all over the world have taken the time to read my daughter's story and tell me of the impact her short life had on theirs. People have prayed for me and my family. People have cried big, ugly tears with me.

I spoke on facebook with a stranger for over an hour today about adoption and these precious children who deserve families. This conversation would have never happened without my daughter.

Thousands of people have seen these pictures of a tiny, broken girl now made whole. Thousands of people know more about the injustices of this world because of my tiny girl - my world changer.

Now that you have seen, you are responsible. Don't let the ripples of her short life stop. Be love.

Though my heart is broken that I will never hold my sweet girl in my arms in this life, I am eternally grateful for her. I believe she did her job; she heard the words, "well done, my good and faithful daughter." I am so proud to call her mine, even from afar.

I do not for one second regret saying yes. 

There are two families near and dear to my heart - the Hortons and the Collicotts. They are bringing home precious, tiny ones from the same place where my daughter died. If you feel called to action, I would urge you to consider donating to and praying for their adoptions with me.

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.
James 1:27

I love you, baby girl.

Wren Marieva, Beloved Daughter

Greater Things Have Yet to Come | Reece's Rainbow

Dear friends,

A lot has happened since I last wrote. A lot. And some of these things are hard to put into words. Here goes.

My Little Girl in Uganda is not going to be mine.

*inhale, exhale*

For almost five months, I looked at picture after picture of her little face and pictured her as my daughter. I named her. I bought her clothes. I sent her a gift.

And then, due to decisions and circumstances out of my control, I found out it was not to be. 

I was completely heartbroken. I felt SO STRONGLY that I was being led to adopt HER. How could this happen? What had I done wrong?

As I cried and prayed and tried to understand, this song kept playing in my head:

You're the God of this city
You're the King of these people
You're the Lord of this nation
You are
You're the hope to the hopeless
You're the peace to the restless
You are
There is no one like our God
And greater things are still to be done in this city
Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this city
You're the King of these people
You're the Lord of this nation
You are
You're the hope to the hopeless
You're the peace to the restless
You are
There is no one like our God
And greater things are still to be done in this city
Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this city
And greater things are still to be done in this city
Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done here
There is no one like you God
Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this city
We believe
Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this city
And greater things are still to be done in this city
Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done here
Greater things, greater things
Greater things, greater things
You're the light in this darkness
There is no one like our God
Greater things have yet to come
You're the God of this city
You're the light in this darkness
There is no one like our God
Greater things have yet to come
Greater things have yet to come
There is no one like our God
We believe
Greater things have yet to come
We believe, we believe greater things

I don't know why I fell in love with this Little Girl, only to be told she cannot be mine. I don't know why people make the choices they do. But I do know that God is good, and He is not done with her life, and He is not done with mine.

Greater things have yet to come.

This is my prayer and fervent belief.

Thank you for your continued support. Part two of this story will be coming soon. As some plans come to a halt, others are just beginning.

(Since I learned about losing my referral for Little Girl, I have been told that another family is in the process of adopting her. While I am still sad for me, I am so glad that she will know the love of a family. Please continue to pray for her, her family, and for His will to be done.)

(One more important thing. If you financially supported Little Girl's adoption, don't worry. That money is sitting safely in my bank account. It has not been lost. It has a plan. Stay tuned for part two to learn more about that.)

Love,

Elizabeth